Did you miss me??

I'm back, and am pleased to say Im feeling a little better now. Like I said last time, I have been struggling with very low moods for a while now but some days are better than others. It is an awful feeling to feel the darkness closing over you and not knowing when or how long before it will lift. The last few weeks have been particularly bad with my emotions being up and down like a yoyo, making me feel even more out of my own control and helpless. I've spoken to lots of friends and family all of whom have helped me to realise that its normal to feel like this in my situation (I somtimes find it hard to see why I should not be coping as well as I imagine I should be). Things are by no means perfect now but I hope that they are on the way to being better and that I can deal with and accept everything easier than before.

I do find that keeping as busy as possible helps me enormously. Having a purpose to each day is what helps me to get up and keep going, I think its part of my nature I like to be occupied and am also a bit of a perfectionist. When I was struggling though, I decided that I needed to take some time off so gave up blogging and my uni work for a couple of weeks. I think it helped a bit to know that I didnt have any demands on me apart from doing my treatments and eating. Thanks as usual to my lovely friends and blog readers for your support. It means more than I can say to read your comments and encouragement, and to know that people have missed the blog without putting me under pressure to write before I was ready. Also to recieve little cards, visits,emails, and chats from my friends checking in on me and letting me know that they were there. Thank you all so much.
Not much more to report but I have got two links for you to visit, firstly, a video I was filmed for before xmas, talking about life on the list for the lovely Holly and her battlefront campagin.Rather than explain here please check out the website and see all the good work she is doing! The Battlefront page has lots of stories relating to organ donation, mine is called "waiting for the call to come".
The second link is to another transplant website who I work with as much as I can. I wrote my life story for them and it can be viewed here. Both sites do brilliant work to raise awareness so please check them out.

Have a good week and ill post again soon (well quicker than last time anyway)
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Still here

I'm sorry for lack of updates recently. I'll be completely honest and say that I am having a pretty tough time coping at the moment and because of this don't have a lot to report or really feel much like talking.
The thing I hate most about the black moods I seem to get lately is how they can come on so quickly and completely engulf me. Thankfully they can lift just as quickly. I have discussed these lows with my team who tell me that they are very normal but "normal" doesn't help at all when I am feeling at my worst. What started as a low in mood last week has lingered into a general depressive feeling the last few days, it is horrible to feel so down and teaful. Waking up and facing the same each day as well as trying so hard to continue with my weight gain (I havent had much change lately, reaching a plateau and last week lost 0.3kg) is really hard. I have also been having lots of problems with my stomach, feeling very sick most of the day and really having to force food down which doesn't help my mood or my discomfort.
I've also had my 19 month of waiting anniversary this week. It is so hard to look back at the whole of this time and think that out of all those days I have had one call, the possiblity of new lungs for a few hours one night.
I hope to be back very soon feeling much happier again, but please bear with me if you dont hear for a little while or if I am not so talkative as usual when I chat. I will get there eventually, but in the meantime, I'm still here.
Much love to you all xxxx