200,000! Thank you!

Wow!!! What can I say, thank you to every single one of you who have read, checked in, left a comment, been influenced by anything I've written and been part of my journey. When I saw 200,224 hits I was shocked, amazed, proud, humbled and very happy! I honestly can't believe how a simple idea for starting a blog has grown such a big audience. It has meant so much to have people out there cheering you on, commiserating the sad times and celebrating the good. For me, this blog has been an outlet when I've needed it most. Times when I've needed to break out of the confines of my own head, express the loneliness, feel the catharsis and share the accomplishments, I've been able to do it here. I means so much, I'm not exaggerating when I say that I'm not sure I could have got through the bad times without my blog.  It's like a form of therapy, genuinely. 

I think part of the appeal is having a record of my journey too. When I wasn't sure if I would ever get my transplant, it helped in some small way to feel I wouldn't die without leaving a little part of me out there in the world. My words, my voice not edited by anyone else. It still helps, to know that for whatever reasons I might not leave the legacy I would hope for, but if it all went wrong tomorrow there is something for posterity. Something that people wanted to hear. That helps. 

As regular readers know I disappeared for a while after my transplant. I didn't know where to go with the blog or even if it had a future anymore. I missed it sure but what direction do you take a blog that was about waiting for a transplant when you are no longer waiting for a transplant? I was (and still am) dealing with huge changes and while I couldn't forget the blog completely I also couldn't find the sanctuary in it that I used to feel. I was talking to a friend today, voicing the questions filling my head a lot of the time as to "where does my life and blog go now?". Am I the person I was when I started writing, no. Am I the person I want to be yet? Definitely no. But I have been influenced by every single moment up till now. Maybe for now just seeing what comes up, and following through with that is good enough?
It's not all Cystic Fibrosis, fatigue, transplant, medical, but those things also aren't completely in the past but a very real part of my life and future. They just aren't the whole entirety of it. Many people have said they have learnt from my blog and that is such a huge compliment! Educating people about CF and transplant, the problems that still remain and the fact that it is not a "cure" but a gift, sharing experiences with others and being some part of their journey are the things that mean the most to me. If I convinced you to sign the donor register then I am over the moon with that. 

So after that gushy post, expect more transplant posts, more of the problems I deal with now but also expect me to be enjoying my life despite the problems and hopefully sharing the good times. 
Thank you all for being a part of it xxxxxx

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