So a lot of people, many of whom are very kind strangers, have been asking about my birthday this year. My birthday is May 5th and I’m going to be honest it won’t be the best of birthdays by the look of it. We are still in lockdown so no family visits, my body decided to grow cancer in multiple spots leading to a diagnosis of incurable cancer. I may be starting treatment or having a procedure that day,who can say at this point. And in the back of my mind it could be my last birthday.

There are no presents I really need or want and my family and close friends will have those covered. In honesty I have way too much stuff and aiming to clear a lot of it so I can enjoy more space and a less cluttered environment which I’m going to be in a lot. So while you don’t get a bigger fan of cards and parcels through the door than me, it does seem a bit silly this year. 

I would love to be going out and making memories but who knows when that will be possible again but otherwise I’m good with what I have.

Unless I get sucked into online shopping and then have to literally squish things into drawers and cupboards.

Since I had so many asking, I thought that it was bizarre that I don’t need anything but in these crazy times so many do. The NHS is crying out for help and everyday charities are missing out on the events they usually run and The funds they usually get yearly. This has huge knock on effects, for example a huge chunk of cancer research work has been stopped. That will have knock on effects for thousands over the next few years. We are storing up a tonne of extra medical things to be dealt with further down the line, cases put off until this crisis is over. There is no way that Covid victims aren’t going to have any lasting issues from their illness that will need further respiratory or physio treatment.

So I have set up a fundraiser for my birthday. I picked 4 charities close to my heart and if (IF) you would like to donate the cost of a card for my birthday it will genuinely be the best gift you could get me.

Now, please don’t feel obliged in any way to donate. I mean it. A message somewhere is. Ore than enough. I know everyone is asking for something everywhere at the moment and you can’t possibly support every one. It is completely up to anyone individually if you want to donate, you’ve bought a gift, you sent a card, you wanted to do nothing at all; no one is judging you! I want to make that very clear and no one to feel pressured.

That said I have set up a page and if you would like to look, here it is. https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-portal/fundraiserPage?pageId=1166179

Each charity will get a percentage amount

The Royal Marsden: obvious why but they run a patient fund which does a lot of leading cancer research and pays for equipment. The hospital are currently dealing with other cancer centres I. London to ensure least interruption to treatment. They will also have a flood of patients and new cases after Covid ends.

Harefield Hospital: They will always be uppermost in my heart, a small hospital who do amazing things and perform miracles behind its walls.  Currently dealing with normal transplant issues, they also have Covid wards and have split their ICU into Covid and non Covid. They are a centre with vast respiratory knowledge and my own consultants are using their skills to help fight Covid. I could cry at their bravery. Despite all this extra work, they are determined that their transplant patients aren’t left to their own devices and treated as they would usually be.

Post pals: A small charity that I’ve been involved with for years. Check out their work. Fundraising is less so they will struggle to take disabled kids and their families away on excursions and provide the brilliant level of happy post and support that they strive to.

Saint Francis Hospice: the hospice looking after me. They offer great local support and helped me through my first terminal diagnosis pre Transplant. Hospice’s do incredible work taking the heat off the NHS and supporting their patients to keep them out of hospital. Again, they are self funded and will suffer a lot with reduced funds this year.

So that’s all the info and if you would like to/ can support please do otherwise please don’t worry you have enough going on to deal with right now! 

Love to all, stay safe! 

I’m going to be honest, at the moment Cancer is kicking my arse. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I need to try and stay mobile, to eat and to sleep but I’m carrying who knows how many extra kilos in fluid. The same tumour and fluid is crushing my lungs and it’s a weird throw back to breathlessness, gasping and anxiety attacks of pre transplant days. But with good lungs.

Eating is difficult drinking bloody impossible as extras just add to the extra weight/heaviness on my chest.

A lot of people say ‘get the fluid drained like I did before’. 1) this wasn’t a nice experience 2) it lasted around 24/48 hours and was back again 3) it’s entering and moving round a hospital with known Covid cases 4) the only way the fluid will come off and maybe stay off a bit more is with chemo added in. So in light of that I don’t want to get drained more than I absolutely have to and am not able to have a semi permanent one which is a bugger.

That means I’m at home struggling a lot day to day. Pain has been horrendous as I believe fluid and tumour are pressing on nerves so making them hurt like hell. Thankfully the hospice were great at controlling this for me and it’s still there but vastly improved. Breathing is helped a little by pain relief and trying to stay active but can’t tell you how upsetting this is. I fought the lung battle and to feel this monster ruining my hard work is soul destroying.

I’m not particularly impressed with Marsdens reaction. I’ve heard nothing since they gave me information of my treatment plan (alone and in hospital) over a week ago. I know they are extraordinarily busy but the check in or indeed some dates of when things will happen would have been a big comfort.

I’m back to needing help dressing, bathing, etc. I look like someone else so avoid mirrors majority of the time. I was actually mistaken as being pregnant the other week. If only! 

I’m not giving up, but unfortunately I have to wait until certain factors come together for me to fight. It will get harder before it eases which is a great thought but it’s not just doing the right thing but doing it at the right time.

I regularly crumble into a mass of sobbing blubber then realise I can’t cry and breathe so have to have a mini break before I start again. I never give myself credit but I am amazed by how I’m managing to get through each day at present.

So yes, cancer has got me completely on my arse right now. But it won’t be for long.

I’m going to be honest, at the moment Cancer is kicking my arse. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I need to try and stay mobile, to eat and to sleep but I’m carrying who knows how many extra kilos in fluid. The same tumour and fluid is crushing my lungs and it’s a weird throw back to breathlessness, gasping and anxiety attacks of pre transplant days. But with good lungs.

Eating is difficult drinking bloody impossible as extras just add to the extra weight/heaviness on my chest.

A lot of people say ‘get the fluid drained like I did before’. 1) this wasn’t a nice experience 2) it lasted around 24/48 hours and was back again 3) it’s entering and moving round a hospital with known Covid cases 4) the only way the fluid will come off and maybe stay off a bit more is with chemo added in. So in light of that I don’t want to get drained more than I absolutely have to and am not able to have a semi permanent one which is a bugger.

That means I’m at home struggling a lot day to day. Pain has been horrendous as I believe fluid and tumour are pressing on nerves so making them hurt like hell. Thankfully the hospice were great at controlling this for me and it’s still there but vastly improved. Breathing is helped a little by pain relief and trying to stay active but can’t tell you how upsetting this is. I fought the lung battle and to feel this monster ruining my hard work is soul destroying.

I’m not particularly impressed with Marsdens reaction. I’ve heard nothing since they gave me information of my treatment plan (alone and in hospital) over a week ago. I know they are extraordinarily busy but the check in or indeed some dates of when things will happen would have been a big comfort.

I’m back to needing help dressing, bathing, etc. I look like someone else so avoid mirrors majority of the time. I was actually mistaken as being pregnant the other week. If only! 

I’m not giving up, but unfortunately I have to wait until certain factors come together for me to fight. It will get harder before it eases which is a great thought but it’s not just doing the right thing but doing it at the right time.

I regularly crumble into a mass of sobbing blubber then realise I can’t cry and breathe so have to have a mini break before I start again. I never give myself credit but I am amazed by how I’m managing to get through each day at present.

So yes, cancer has got me completely on my arse right now. But it won’t be for long.