Oh what a night!

Yesterday it was my sisters birthday, we enjoyed a nice dinner and i got to play on her partners ipod and see my cute little nephew. I had an uneventful evening, and went to bed about 11pm. Just before 12am I dreamily woke up when i heard a noise but couldn't quite work out what it was so I was drifting off again,when my mum came in and was told me to answer the phone it was Harefield offering me some lungs.
My dad (usually as cool as a cucumber) had answered it and told them I couldn't come to the phone as I was asleep! before he fully realised who it was.
My coordinator told me to get up to the hospital as soon as we could. I shoved on some clothes and gathered my things together. I have to say I've been worried how I would react to a call but I was extremely calm, my parents flapped a bit but I just felt excited. My heart beat very fast directly after putting the phone down but I just focused on getting ready. Everytime I thought "this could be my chance" a grin spread across my face.
We arrived at Harefield about an hour later, and had my obs done, all of which were normal. Then the anesthetist came and sited a canula which i handled quite well, he was really nice and took lots of blood. I saw my coordinator and she said everything was looking good but more checks were being done,all being well I would go to theatre at 5am. She said it was my decision but it was probably best to leave telling my family until we were definate. Me and mum sat and chatted about very mundane things really and I told her who needed to be phoned etc if it all went ahead.
At 3.30 my coordinator came back. As soon as I heard her footsteps approaching I knew in my heart what she would say. She told me that the lungs had been examined by their drs who weren't happy enough with them, and the operation would not be going ahead. I felt disappointed but at the same time very thankful to have had the dry run. We got home just before 5am and i fell into bed still dressed.

The whole experience was great. I know that sounds weird and I do feel a little disappointed but thats nothing to how excited and hopeful I feel. Last night I didn't get stressed or upset, I dealt with things calmly. The overwealming emotion wasn't dread it was excitment. I could be days, months years, minutes before i get another call, but I COULD. Out of the blue life can completely change, hope was dangled in front of me last night and taken away again but it is still there. Just out of sight waiting to emerge again. Thats good enough for now.

Please spare a thought today for the family of the donor. Although the lungs were no good for me they stillmade that amazing decision to save someones life even though they were going through immense pain and grief. Very brave people.


  1. Hi sweets, so sorry it wasn't the "one" last night but you clearly handled it amazingly and will know what is ahead next time you are called. I was thinking about you last night and wondering how you would be coping with the needles. It must be the biggest rollercoaster of emotions imaginable to go through all that *HUGS*

    I'm so glad you haven't been knocked down by this experience. I guess its made it more real that you are on that list and that your new life is just a phone call away?

    What an amazing family to have taken that decision to donate. Although the lungs weren't suitable, I bet at least one person's life was saved last night by their kindness and generosity. xxx

  2. Sorry it didn't happen for you. I can completely relate to your post as I had a false alarm on Saturday Night / Sunday Morning (2:30am I got called!) but I was still awake.

    I'm not keen on needles either, but i'll just put up with it these days. When the doctor was taking my blood he wasn't happy with how quick the vials were filling up so I ended up having a needle stuck in 3 times!

    Don't you find it strange how calm we are in that situation? I felt exactly the same, I was completely relaxed and taking it all one step at a time (it was my family who were stressing about it more). I certainly had one heck of an adrenalin rush which by the sound of it you did too.

    The only thing I would say is when i looked back at it all on Monday when I had got over the lack of sleep I felt quite gutted.

    Our call will come and the sooner the better :) Keep your chin up and once again thank you to both the familys concerned for there generosity.

    Take Care x

  3. oh my god tor!
    i love you so much, i love the way you dealt with it, i would have been a bit stressed or angry!

    you are amazing

    please dont ever change you attitude!!

  4. Hi Tor,

    Have just read your blog about your call. So sorry it didn't go ahead, but it will - hopefully very soon and i'll be reading how well you are doing recovering after tx.

    All the best,

    Kim xxx