Breaks, backs and buggered

I know I know, I promised you an update and then have left you....for over two months. I'm sorry. 
I was gone but hadn't forgotten the blog, I kept going to update and I've even had loads of ideas for blog posts (as always still open to requests). If I'm honest, and as you know I'm always as honest as it's possible to be in my posts, it's been a bit of a crappy time and every time I've tarted to write, it's not felt right. 

So, last time I wrote it was my birthday and I had broken my foot for the second time. After my birthday I was feeling a bit weird anyway. You know the kind of weird that comes with birthdays; the taking stock/vague panic about what you should be doing/feel of needing to make changes. Especially due to the fact that this was my last birthday in my 20's. That was going on, then I got a nasty bout of food poisoning that was terrible especially with a broken foot to hobble back and forth to the bathroom on. Thankfully it was about a 24 hour thing but it left me so drained and took a week or so to recover my energy that disappears at the merest hint of trouble. 
I eventually got the all clear that the foot was healing (remember I broke it at the beginning of April) and I was told I could start weaning off the crutches slowly. Which I did, super slowly. I had a couple of weeks boot free before the pain started to come back again. I managed to get another appointment with the fracture clinic, and to cut a long story short, I hadn't refractured my break, but I didn't just have one break on the one foot, I had 3. Which was news to me. Basically the X-ray looked liked I'd started to create a jigsaw out of my foot! Plus the fracture on the other foot from last year while healed is very visible. All the fractures are healed but because of what my body's been through and the medications I'm on I heal very slowly and it takes longer. Due to the same problems I'm more likely to fracture but there isn't much they can do about it. Needless to say I was not a happy girl when I left that appointment. 

This was not helped by the fact that the previous day we had left home at 12am and not got home until 7am with about 45 minutes break at my rheumatology appointment. We had to journey up to Chelsea and Westminster, and because I was using crutches and in pain I couldn't face extra walking. We planned to use the train then two buses which admittedly took an age but was at least sitting still.
I can't fault this hospital, they are always kind and friendly no matter who you speak to in the hospital, and always really clean and quite open and bright. We had a short wait, and saw a truly lovely consultant who I believe is head of department. We went through all the tests I've had which include back X-ray, spinal CT, bloods, hand X-ray, hand and joints ultrasound and there wasn't a huge amount to report. I don't have inflammation, or arthritis. I do have a couple of bulging discs near the bottom of my spine which aren't too much of a worry now but need to be checked intermittently. He was lovely and explained that he thinks my main issue is muscle weakness. I'm hyper mobile which is what used to be called double jointed. I can move and bend my joints more than most people and therefore it's quite easy to have to ouch movement and cause issues. In order to inhibit the bendiness, the only real way is to strengthen the muscles to a very strong level. Simple you think? It's me. 
Obviously if fatigue and the propensity to break bones wasn't enough, my use of steroids at a reasonable dose long term, means that gaining muscle strength is so much harder. They actually cause a symptom which had a fancy name but means muscle weakness. He actually said I was pretty much buggered. 
Both these visits were in a way a relief and in another like being plunged into a dark hole. It was good to finally know what the hell was going on and to have some answers. But it felt very much as though I'd found the courage to ask for help because I wasn't coping, and yet the onus and responsibility was once again being handed back to me. I should also mention that I have been battling with various painkillers including morphine equivalents with no pain relief but plenty of other nasty side effects. These drugs also have be weaned up to full dose and weaned down again before you can stop taking them. In short I have no reliable pain relief and more exercises, pain, fatigue heading my way if I want any chance of building up the muscles to help long term. 

This has all been going on for nearly a year in total but suddenly concluded in the last week. It's been a bit of a mind melt. I think rather than going into it too much here I will post a separate blog (you lucky lucky Devils).  
So that's what's going on and I promise it won't be so long before I next post. After writing this I can already feel the blocks easing away and a format for the next couple of posts forming so I'm going to go and jot down some notes. Sorry it's been a bit of a downer, stay tuned for hopefully things getting brighter. 



BB bus

Hello lovelies, 

I've got a couple of posts floating round in my head but thought this was a nice one to write while battling some nasty side effects of my new pain killers, so here we go. 

Last week was my birthday (big 30 is next year, eek!) and I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do for it. I've been struggling energy wise with my air boot and crutches and wasn't really sure if I even wanted to do anything. Luckily I have good people around me to sort me out! 
My friend Claire and I met up the week before, not specifically for my birthday but I'm counting it anyway. We went to Balans in Soho for drinks, and lunch and it was completely delicious. A really lovely place and everything was excellent. I would highly recommend! We then went on to the cinema, which I never really do but definitely need to start going to more. In all a lovely day with fabulous company. 

My friend Pippa suggested we book up to do something. I am a huge afternoon tea fan and had been wanting to try this particular one for ages. The BB's bakery is located in Covent Garden but they also offer an amazing afternoon tea tour on a London bus! The idea is simple but brilliant, you are served afternoon tea on specialist converted Routemaster bus while being driven round London on a 90 minute tour. 

It was a gorgeous sunny day which made it even nicer. We were picked up just off of Trafalgar Square and welcomed aboard the bus (how awesome is this bus?!)

The staff, Bastien and Jean-Philippe, were amazing, so friendly and on their game. As you know I am now gluten free as much as possible and this has been a bit disappointing on other teas so I was a bit worried. I needn't have been, I didn't feel in anyway left out in what I had, as soon as I boarded they confirmed I was gluten free and on being seated went through exactly what I could eat. I felt confident because they were so in control. It was also really easy to book online and choose your dietary requirements without it being a big deal. Excellent!

We were served tea, coffee or hot chocolate in travel mugs to avoid spills and began the tour taking in Big Ben, the London Eye, London parks, and lots of landmarks. The food was delicious, they offer to give you a doggy bag to take away at the end of the tour...  But we are everything so it wasn't necessary! Nothing was too sweet or stodgy, the savouries were lovely really tasty, and the patisserie divine. We were also served scones with individual cream and jam about halfway through. 

We were also give a bottle of orange juice and offered water too which was a nice touch. We ate on mismatched China plates but everything else was personalised with the BB's distinctive style which I enjoyed as it tied everything together. 

We also had a little book on our table which told you about the bakery, the tour route and a bit of information about the landmarks. It was seriously a really relaxed, enjoyable day and I loved it even more than I thought I would. I also managed to get some decent photos as we went round.

would highly recommend it as a treat and am definitely going to go and visit the bakery as well as book in for the special tour of the Christmas lights, literally all my Christmasses come at once!!! 

I think I'll leave it there for today and tell you about my actual birthday in another blog. 

Bye for now! 


My Bucket List

Right, so as promised here is the wish list. Some are more important to me than others but all things I'd like to do big or small. I've been reading/watching stuff about the law of attraction and not only that but just general positive thinking and imagining the life you want. And basically it can't hurt so I'm putting these things that have lived in my head out there into the world! 
I will probably add to the list, again, suggestions welcome but will also cross off too and update you maybe at the end of the year. Got it? Right lets go! 

1) To perform in Londons The Phantom of the Opera. If I had to give up the chance of everything else on this list in order to do this I probably would. I realise that while performing terrifies me, it is literally the happiest I ever feel too. Phantom as I've explained before means more than I can explain to me, in short this is the dream that has always got me through the hardest times of my life. It is always there. I'm actually getting emotional so yes, ultimate goal. 

2) In addendum to this, one of the happiest weeks of my life was when I did work experience at Les Miserables. I felt for the first time I truly belonged there. So work experience/shadowing on any west end shows. Being in any west end shows or spending a little time with some of my musical theatre icons who can share their experiences and tips. 

3) To continue learning so more drama based courses. Most appealing at the moment are an accent course and a stage combat course (despite the shattery bones and bruises like a peach!).

4) Again, mentioned him here before, but John Owen Jones is my favourite singer and actor. His voice is sublime. To duet with him would be out of this world but also makes me feel physically sick with nerves!

5) Run (complete) the London marathon. Yes really.

6) To visit the Globe Theatre.

7) To visit Portabello Rd Market.

8) visit the Sky Garden bar.

9) Afternoon tea at the Athenaeum. 

10) Buy flowers at Colombia Rd flower market.

11) pillow and secret cinemas

12) Brighton for a weekend.

13) To go to New York.

14) See a Broadway show.

15) visit the Broadway Cares market as it literally looks like my heaven.

16) Visit Italy: Rome, Vienna, Murano, Venice. 

17) Water taxi in Venice.

18) Go to the Easter market in Austria.

19) German Chistmas market.

20) go to Sardinia.

21) Ride on a motorbike.

22) Ride the Orient Express on New Year's Eve. My friend did this is looked amazing!

23) find a special someone. 

24)Leave a lock on the love bridge in Paris for my donor. 

25) Stay in an overwater bungalow.

26) make a difference, a real difference to someone's life. 
27) go to Wales.

28) visit Ireland.
29) Visit Scotland.

30) Return to Florida for my 30th next year. 

31) Watch the changing of the guard, did it as a kid but would appreciate it now.

32) To visit the set of Once Upon A Time, my new obsession. Or to meet Robert Carlyle who is amazing! 

33) to see my lung function reach more than 3 litres, it currently sits at around 2.7 x

So that's it for now but always ready to hear new suggestions!