Yesterday it was my sisters birthday, we enjoyed a nice dinner and i got to play on her partners ipod and see my cute little nephew. I had an uneventful evening, and went to bed about 11pm. Just before 12am I dreamily woke up when i heard a noise but couldn't quite work out what it was so I was drifting off again,when my mum came in and was told me to answer the phone it was Harefield offering me some lungs.
My dad (usually as cool as a cucumber) had answered it and told them I couldn't come to the phone as I was asleep! before he fully realised who it was.
My coordinator told me to get up to the hospital as soon as we could. I shoved on some clothes and gathered my things together. I have to say I've been worried how I would react to a call but I was extremely calm, my parents flapped a bit but I just felt excited. My heart beat very fast directly after putting the phone down but I just focused on getting ready. Everytime I thought "this could be my chance" a grin spread across my face.
We arrived at Harefield about an hour later, and had my obs done, all of which were normal. Then the anesthetist came and sited a canula which i handled quite well, he was really nice and took lots of blood. I saw my coordinator and she said everything was looking good but more checks were being done,all being well I would go to theatre at 5am. She said it was my decision but it was probably best to leave telling my family until we were definate. Me and mum sat and chatted about very mundane things really and I told her who needed to be phoned etc if it all went ahead.
At 3.30 my coordinator came back. As soon as I heard her footsteps approaching I knew in my heart what she would say. She told me that the lungs had been examined by their drs who weren't happy enough with them, and the operation would not be going ahead. I felt disappointed but at the same time very thankful to have had the dry run. We got home just before 5am and i fell into bed still dressed.
The whole experience was great. I know that sounds weird and I do feel a little disappointed but thats nothing to how excited and hopeful I feel. Last night I didn't get stressed or upset, I dealt with things calmly. The overwealming emotion wasn't dread it was excitment. I could be days, months years, minutes before i get another call, but I COULD. Out of the blue life can completely change, hope was dangled in front of me last night and taken away again but it is still there. Just out of sight waiting to emerge again. Thats good enough for now.
Please spare a thought today for the family of the donor. Although the lungs were no good for me they stillmade that amazing decision to save someones life even though they were going through immense pain and grief. Very brave people.