I have calmed down a bit now, and feel much better for letting off some steam. The comments I recieved were lovely (its nice to see new people reading too!) I can't tell you how much it means to know people (most of whom I've never met) are out there willing me on and offering support. Thank you, it means an awful lot.
This week has been a bit of a mixed bag. On Tuesday, we had a bit of a problem as my dad was having some health worries. My mum took him down to A & E, who have made some temporary measures but he will now need some investigations to find out exactly whats going on. My dad is never ill, and I know my mum is really worried about him. It must be so difficult for her to watch 2 people she loves being ill at the moment and not being able to do very much to help. She is the most amazing lady, and I know she will cope with this added worry but I wish she didnt have too.
Sadly the cf community has taken more blows this week. A 12year old little girl called Rebbeca and a 23 year old lady called Sarah lost their battles with CF. We weren't close although I had some contact with both girls, Sarah especially, but it is a terrible shock that these two young, beautiful people were taken by this cruel illness. My thoughts are with their families and friends who must be absolutely devastated.
On the other side of the coin, their have been good points however small. I have read some good blog entries about people who got their transplants and are doing very well. I have let the CF trust know that I would like to help where possible with awareness raising, and I got 75% on my last essay which has given me a boost on a course I was very tired of.
Before I go to bed each night I try to think of at least 3 positives about my day. They may be big things or very small and I dont know how much good it will do but lets face it, it can't hurt. It reminds me of a little phrase i read once " when you are tired and you cannot sleep, try counting your blessings before you count sheep". I've always liked it.
I'm at the hospital on Friday for my whole day of tests. I absolutely hate the thought of this, and I wont lie, am scared silly! Its not that I even expect anything to be wrong its just the chance they could find more problems that frightens me. I know my health is bad now, why else would I be on the transplant list? But I hate seeing the low lung function figures, rubbish x-rays and hearing the same information repeated again. It doesn't get any easier to hear. I also have a major needle phobia that although controlled now, still makes me terrified of having bloods etc done. Any thoughts, prayers, good/positive thoughts would be VERY much appreciated.
I'll let you know how it goes. x