1.26.2016

I'm still here!

 Hello! 

So I haven't blogged for a little while. I haven't forgotten you, or not wanted to write, quite the opposite actually. 
As I explained last time I've got so many things that I want to write about but got really bogged down with the order to write so they made sense, thoughts and hopes etc that I wasn't clear about and therefore couldn't explain to myself let alone you, life stuff going on and just too much to get out. Something I have learnt about myself last year is that I get overwhelmed sometimes by the trivial little things and when I do my brain gets panicky and then presses what I imagine to be the panic button which basically shuts down all previous thoughts, conversations etc until I'm ready to try again. So anyway I feel a bit more capable to write again now. It might not be ground breaking or make huge amounts of sense but I'm here trying so please forgive the chaos until I've written enough posts to have cleared my head... Maybe I need a blog post book so I can write out ideas?! Hmmmm

Anyway, I hope you all had a lovely festive period, Christmas, new year, just spending time off work, family/friend/pet time, basically whatever you did I hope you enjoyed it. As I explained in my last post, I had a very nice Christmas, more the lead up than the actual day but still I can't complain. 
Sadly I learnt that a transplant friend of mine passed away on Boxing Day. She knew it was coming and enjoyed Christmas Day with her family around her and died at home where she wanted to be. I met Jane and her husband David a couple of years ago at Transplant clinic, it's a very open feel to clinic and you can often find yourself talking to fellow patients. Jane and David were so friendly and my dad who never talks to anyone (!) always chatted to David about the journeys to the hospital etc, while mum and I mattered to Jane. Clinics can be extremely draining mentally and physically but these little chats and friendships really make a huge difference to the day. Friendships develop to exchanging numbers and visiting if each other get kept on the ward, bringing treats etc. I always looked forward to the day if I knew Jane would be there, and I was gutted to realise she won't be again. Jane and her family are incredibly strong people, and with it, caring, kind, selfless, thoughtful, brave, family driven people. I know she wouldn't want me to be upset but I am although I'm trying to listen to what I know she would have told me (to get out and do things because I'm able to). My love will always be with her and her family who are just amazing people.

I also heard this week that a friend from my drama course last year, suffered a heart attack and after a short stay in critical care passed away at the weekend. It was a shock to all of the group as David was such a joyful prescence. Never afraid to do something embarrassing, loved Shakespeare, and a real father figure of the group. David we will miss you. 

So as you can see ive had a bit of a rough start to 2016 although there has also been a lot of positives too. Last year was quite a difficult one and the start of a new year is always a bit of a rough one for me but I see this as quite positive that I'm at least aware enough to know it and anticipate it. It's been really difficult to sort my head and emotions from various things from this year, Christmas, ladt year, the future that are in a tangled jumble in my brain. 
Although I have to admit now I've started to get it out I do feel a little better. One of the big positives of 2015 was to start writing my blog again so I definitely want to keep it up. I think keeping a diary with ideas for posts might be a really good plan. But as always I'm more than happy to hear what you'd like to read so please make suggestions! 
Coming up you should look forward to....
The amazing chocolate tasting I did before Christmas
Recent hospital visit and my visit to ICU to try and get over my fears from there
New Years thoughts and resolutions
Medications I take as I know you've asked for that (there are so many it's a question of how to arrange it!) x

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