I'm sorry for the lack of posts, I haven't abandoned the blog again I promise! I've tried to write a couple of posts but they just didn't really want to be written so I'm giving them a miss for the time being.
Anyway, my pain is still not sorted as latest painkillers literally have no effect on my pain....at all. Good news is that I went to a clinic appointment and they are very pleased with me from a lung point of view so I'm not back (hopefully) for 6 months when it will be my 5 year anniversary with new lungs! YES 5 WHOLE YEARS!
However the slightly crap news is, that I have potentially broken my foot again 😒 there is no emoticon to display my disgust at this. I'm at Fracture clinic on Thursday so will find out what's going on then but in the meantime I'm on crutches and in an air boot. The crutches and extra weight of the boot are zapping my energy completely and making me more hurty. Not impressed at all.
Anyway as I'm writing this my idea of the blog post is changing so I'm going with it guys going with it!
There have been a few things lately that have been making me feel a bit odd. As I mentioned last time, there is a real sense of wanting to get on with life and do things but without any structure, knowledge or plan of what I'm trying to achieve or how to achieve it.
I've lost a couple of friends, there are a lot of CF and transplant friends struggling and one in particular who really has an impact on me. Once again it appeared at the forefront of my mind that this second chance, this gift could disappear tomorrow. I could get rejection, an infection, pneumonia, cancer, and that would be the potential start of the end.
I feel very much caught between going to achieve and rush out to experience everything, while not always feeling up to it, depression, anxiety, pain and fatigue levels hampering me or my appetite for foot breaking sodding things up.
But after being incapacitated for a little bit again, I'm determined to start focusing on some good things. This weekend despite the foot and need to rest, seriously it exhausts me completely getting mobile now, I still managed to keep the plans I had as difficult as it was.
So basically after all that, what I came on to do is to write a bucket list. An updated bucket list of things I want to do and see and experience. Feel free to chuck me some suggestions!
The list may have some far fetched items some boring items but it's mine and I make the rules. My theory is it can't hurt to vocalise/visualise these things and by putting it out there it might start happening!
As I've withered on a lot, I'm going post my list separately, either tomorrow or Wednesday, so keep a lookout for new updates.
PS thank you so much to Linda Jane who wrote a comment on my last blog, your words made my day. What an incredible, selfless lady you are. Much love to you xxx